i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
