He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
