so that wasnt chicken after all
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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