Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize