you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
