I didn't shave. On purpose
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
