She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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