I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
