is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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