i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
