the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize