Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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