just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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