You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sarcasm needs its own font
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
