hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize