I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
