Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
