You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize