We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize