she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
