I look better un-naked...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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