He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
