i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize