Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
