How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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