All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
