I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
