If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she told me i tasted like america
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
