I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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