omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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