if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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