Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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