you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize