We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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