Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize