I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
