so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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