your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
