my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
