Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
