Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize