So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
