Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
