Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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