She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize