I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
