BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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