wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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