i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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