The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
