the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My life is pants optional.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
