Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
jump out the window naked night went bad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
