How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
