You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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