Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize