508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
