I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize