I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
