Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
