Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
