How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
