Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
