I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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