btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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