My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
