I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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