I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
