Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
