I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize