I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
