dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
