The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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