he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
