i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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