After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
