This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
