Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
