Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
