So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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