Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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