no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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