Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
