I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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