I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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