planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
