I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize