U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
