Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize