we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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