chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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