if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
