also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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